I am twin. I have been all my life. It is not something that is supernatural or abnormal. 1 in 62 pregnancies in the UK are twins or triplets, so contrary to popular belief it is quite common. What is also quite common is that, when someone learns that you’re twin, you can guarantee there will be hundreds of questions to follow. Here are the ten most common questions twins encounter in everyday life. The struggle is real.
1. “Oh, so you were both born on the same day then?”
No. No we weren’t. I was born two months later. But we’re still twins, who share the same birthday. On the same day. And we’re the same age. Do you even use your brain??!
2. “But you’re not identical. Aren’t all twins like identical?”
Here’s the biology lesson you missed whilst you were drawing a penis all over your friend’s science book in year 10. There’s such things as fraternal and identical twins. When a Mummy loves a Daddy and they hug and water the seed, a baby is made. Fraternal is when two separate amniotic sacks have been fertilised by two different sperm. Identical is where one fertilised egg splits into two. All the learns!
3. “If you’re twins, how comes you like different things?”
Oh my god you’re so right!! We also share the same bladder and heart. Don’t choke on a biscuit now.
4. “What is it like being a twin?”
What is it like existing just to ask stupid questions?
5. “Who’s the oldest? Why weren’t you born first? Does it annoy you that he/she was born first?”
I just felt like tapping the snooze button and having an extra five minutes in the womb. Because, you know, I had control over being born. It does annoy me that you ask stupid f***ing questions.
6. “What is it like sharing a birthday?”
What’s it like having your own birthday? Oh, it feels normal you say? So does sharing a birthday, because it’s been the same for every birthday, every year. It’s not even sharing really because there are two cakes so who’s the real winner here? Me.
7. “Do twins run in the family?”
*Pulls out podium, starts up PowerPoint and clears throat* “Here is a lengthy presentation of my family’s fertility history, dating back to 600 BC.”
8. “Can you read each other’s minds? What’s your secret language? Are you telepathic?”
Do you have to speak to the cashier at McDonalds when you order your 20 McNuggets for your Tinder date? To answer your question, we cannot read each other’s minds, you blithering idiot.
9. “Oh I know *Insert Names Here* and they’re twins. Do you know them?”
Yes. Because all twins all over the country go to twin conventions all the time, a bit like Comic Con. Of course I know all 3,000 twins in the UK. Oh, and do you know what? I can also read their minds.
10. “What is it like sharing a womb?”
I literally have nothing to say to this. Remember the time you were in the womb before you were born? No. Neither do I.