Whether you’re a student or just sharing a house with friends or strangers, there is a certain etiquette that must be met when living under a roof with people who aren’t your relatives. We here at NUBI have devised a few tips on what to do when in this predicament. Become the housemate of legend…
Don’t worry about the washing up
Your time is precious, so it doesn’t really make sense for you to worry about washing your cooking utensils up after your feast of Super Noodles and tinned hot dogs.
Be as loud as you damn want
So what if Lisa’s got work at 5:30 AM? If you need to sing Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On” at the top of your lungs, then so be it. You have the right to stomp everywhere.
Leave food to go mouldy
You bought those pears in hope of going healthy, and then Two for Tuesday got the better of you… three weeks ago. And now the pears are a disgusting brown sludge sat in the fruit bowl. And because they are rotting, that means picking them up will be a horrible experience. Avoid.
Live out your bad mood through door slamming
You’ve had an argument with your partner that has nothing to do with the house or your housemates? Smash all that crockery. You only just scraped a pass on your assignment because you decided Vodka Revs was the better way to spend your time? Blow the speakers with your rage. You’re just feeling pissed off and want the world to know it? Slam those doors and make the walls shake.
Moan about the state of the house but never ever do anything about it
Dirty dishes are strewn all over the kitchen worktops, empty Desperado bottles have become part of the furniture after that not-so-mental house party, and you’ve forgotten what colour the bathroom floor was when you moved in. Your time is far better spent moaning about the biohazard you face daily rather than doing anything about it. If you sincerely have to clean (or are made to by force), be sure to…
Make minimal effort when it comes to group cleaning
You shouldn’t have to spend time mopping or drying up the finally clean kitchen utensils. Besides, it looks like your housemates already have a good cleaning routine going on and it would be really selfish for you to go in there and interrupt. Remember, when your friends ask, make sure you say how much you did, otherwise you’ll look like a really shit housemate, when you’re definitely not.
Eat your housemate’s food
That cheesecake has been left in the fridge with no label on it. It’s been eyeing you up all day so really it’s fair game. And after spending all your money on Carlsberg at Wetherspoons over the weekend you can’t afford luxuries such as cheesecake. Go wild my friend.
There is never a wrong time to play a musical instrument
Your musical talent should be heard whenever inspiration hits. There is never ever a wrong time for you to play your rendition of Phantom of the Opera on the keyboard and sing. You? You’re giving your housemates a piece of culture. Even if it is at 5 AM.
Have really loud sex
Why wouldn’t you do this?