Imagine you could look up anything on the net without fear of being traced. What would you look for?

Perhaps, like me, one of your parting thoughts after seeing Fight Club was how do you make bombs with soap? Or maybe you want to enjoy some cracked-out porn that you NEVER want gracing the pages of your internet history – even if you delete it afterwards. Thanks to the DarkNet, now you can.

Welcome to the DarkNet

Most of us are content with treading water on the surface web – aka the normal internet. But if you’re feeling a little adventurous, you can dive on down to the Deep Net. There’s a whole new world down there, full of whistleblowers, terrorists and paedophiles. Let’s hope Ariel’s getting along well with her new neighbours.

DarkNet

What is it?

The DarkNet is a private network, exclusively accessible to those who have a Tor browser. Tor repeatedly encrypts your computer activity, routing it via numerous network nodes to conceal the origin, destination and content of your activity.

Surprisingly, this is very easy to obtain via a free download. Please note that although a lot of mad stuff happens on Tor, the browser itself is completely safe to download (just like Chrome or Firefox). It was even awarded the Free Software Foundation’s Award for Projects of Social Benefit for aiding human rights campaigners and activists.

Downloaded it? Good. You’re officially untraceable. Now the fun begins. Here’s a few suggestions* for things to do in your new found secret lair:

Hidden Services

Check out Tor Hidden Services. These are secret websites with dubious moral content. Your reaction will range from ‘some mighty eccentric people out there’ to ‘I’ll never be clean again’. Case in point: penis mutilation porn. You have been warned…

Illegal Purchases

Feeling unethical about buying coke that’s farmed by the poverty-stricken at gunpoint? Have you thought about going FairTrade? Mosey on over to The Silk Road; the eBay of illegality! Seriously, there’s customer feedback scores and everything.

DarkNet

Avoid Prison

Charged with a crime you didn’t commit? Wink and/or nudge. The 10 step guide to jumping bail and fleeing the country is a must-read.

Cheap and Cheerful

Tired of shelling out the cost of a holiday on the latest iPhone? Undercut Apple and pay a third of the price on the black market! Still too expensive? An Indian manufacturer is offering a ‘stingy bastard’ discount – £2 for a smartphone!

Sell your Black Market Goods

So you’ve decided to repurpose your ‘war room’ as a home gym. A belated resolution is nonetheless a resolution. Your nunchucks are looking pretty rusty, and are you ever going to get round to playing with that AK47? Hello – impulse buy! But in the spirit of recycling don’t just whack them in the wheelie bin or bury them in the woods – sell them on one of the many black markets of the DarkNet.

DarkNet

Cheat the Polygraph

Been arrested? Bummer. You’re totally innocent, you don’t know how your fingerprints got there, but just so you’re fully prepared to prove your innocence, it’s good to get some polygraph practice. Tor Hidden Services boast of step-by-step guides on how to keep your shit together, and you can even order a polygraph for fun on rainy days!

Insider Trading

Work in finance? Above-average salary getting you down? Move into the fast lane with the DarkNet guide to insider trading, and most importantly, how to get away with it.

Have Someone Killed

Want Labour to have a shot at winning an election within the next few years? Why not put Corbyn up for assassination? The Assassination Market is dead pool for politicians: you bet on their expiry date. If your nominated person does indeed meet an untimely demise on this day, you receive a share of the pot, which is usually upwards of £25,000. The site also states that if you want to “take steps” to ensure that your bet pays off, that’s completely dandy.

DarkNet

Grass On Someone

On a more moral note, if you want to spill the beans on corrupt or unethical behaviour by your management or organisation, the DarkNet is the hotspot for truly anonymous whistleblowing. All the major newspapers have special DarkNet sites specifically designed for this purpose.

It’s Getting Darker Down Here

As you may have guessed, Tor is widely used as a vehicle for illegal activity. Yet it’s rapidly being adopted by mainstream users, who see it as a solution to the aggressive personal data capture by advertising agencies and Facebook et al.

But if complete anonymity is a given, wouldn’t we all be curious enough to swim down a little deeper?

DarkNet

*NUBI neither condones nor accepts responsibility for any illegal activity performed following the reading of this article. This includes contributing towards bail.

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