I’m no longer excited for E3. Is it a sign of the times, that the games industry is no longer doing anything interesting? Have I grown out of pre-release hype? Or, more likely, is it because I can’t justify spending £300 on a games console anymore?
Here are the 5 latest announcements from E3’s pre-show events that have gamers getting excited for some reason:
New Console, Same as the Old One
Hey there console gamers, wanted to spend a lot of money on a better version of the console you literally just got? Say no more: the X-Box One S(lim) and the PS4.5 are here to lighten your wallet with features they should have had at launch, such as 4K capability, a hard drive that holds more than 5 next-gen games, and a graphics upgrade. Unlike the PS2 Slimline or the DS Lite, this is more than a cosmetic upgrade.
Prey 2, But Not the One You Wanted
At last! Finally, the incredible Prey 2 bounty hunter game that’s been stuck in development hell for 5 years is about to come out!
…oh. Oh okay. This Prey 2 isn’t actually Prey 2, it’s just called Prey. It appears to be set on a spacecraft again, and borrows more than a bit of its hook from Portal – the other game featuring a human subject in orange pants progressing through an artificial test environment. The developers say it’s not a sequel or a reboot, but a “reimagining”, which sounds suspiciously like a reboot. Where the hell’s my Johnny Cash?
Skyrim Remastered, Everything Remastered
Just thrown your current gen console out for an X-Box One S/PS4.5? While you’re spending all that money on the same console but better, why not get the same game but better too? Skyrim joins a whole host of other X-Box 360 games being re-released a single generation later, even though you still have the unopened copy of the old one that you bought on discount. Apparently it’s worth it for “Volumetric God Rays” and other upgrades PC users have already modded in.
Battlefield 1 (???)
Get ready for the latest instalment in the massively popular Battlefield series, Battlefield…1? Didn’t we already have a few Battlefields already? The newest release in the series that combines the frenetic action of war with the high octane thrills of being called names by a 12 year-old allows you to play in World War I.
For the first time in gaming you can experience gameplay elements such as: waiting, checking for lice, waiting, being sniped from afar, waiting, getting injured in a mustard gas attack and writing poetry that’ll be studied in GCSE English.
Dear developers: stop calling new things “One” again, it’s confusing!
FIFA 2017: Millionaire Simulator
FIFA is the greatest racket in history, and not just because of Sepp Blatter. Every year EA somehow manages to release the same game with the same setting, the same teams and the same characters and make a mint. Faced with having to add some new gimmick on yet again, they’ve decided to put in a story mode.
Sure, you could explore new worlds, OR you could simulate the thrills of kicking a ball, marrying someone you hate and crashing the Porsche you bought with Coca-Cola endorsement money.