Happy Birthday Sonic, you’re an adult now! Sega’s number 1 hedgehog has grown up alongside 90s kids, and now that he’s 25 he has to face these 5 perils of adulthood.
Wonder Why He’s Not Married Yet
As Sonic progresses through his 20s, he’ll see all his other friends getting married on Facebook. This will confuse and unsettle him. Sonic will feel like he’s lagging behind, still collecting the same old rings and moving from damsel to damsel while everyone else is starting a family. He’ll set out on adventures only to find that Tails and Knuckles can’t join him because they have responsibilities and a mortgage.
Get paid the Living Wage
Now that he’s fully an adult, your favourite blue hedgehog is due a pay rise. After 2016 expect all games to contain 13% more rings as Sonic finally qualifies for the National Living Wage. Now at least he can get paid properly for all the work he does saving the damn world.
Pay Full Price for Everything
Turns out he’s going to need those extra rings, because now Sonic has to pay full price for everything. No more railcards for those days when he can’t be arsed to run everywhere, and now he has to pay his own Council Tax. Like Sonic, when we hit 25 we all get hit by the spikes of adulthood and all our money falls out.
Stop Seeing His Child Psychologist
The neverending fight against Dr
Robotnik Eggman Robotnik can take a heavy mental toll. Sonic used to be able to keep seeing his family’s child psychologist, but now he’s 25 he has to man up. Now he has to see the adult psychologist when he gets disturbed by what Sonic fans make him do in their fanart.
Buy Alcohol Without Being Challenged
Another alternative to psychotherapy is getting shitfaced, and for Sonic it couldn’t be any easier. He turned 18 in 2009 but let’s face it, he was still looking a bit too fresh-faced to get past Challenge 25. Now that the staff at the liquor counter all know him he can get 7 bottles of Jaegermeister no questions asked. He doesn’t because none of his friends are available to go clubbing anymore, and they all leave his birthday party before midnight.